Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

You are actually beneath the fold. You idiot. You poor, poor idiot.

“On Monday we discovered that legal professionals for Joe Biden occurred upon a handful of labeled paperwork that have been present in a personal workplace he used on the College of Pennsylvania. In fact, anytime top-secret paperwork are mishandled it must be taken significantly. That is one thing Republicans and Democrats consider, though Republicans have solely believed it since Monday.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

New York Republicans known as on Congressman George Santos to resign. Santos says he isn’t a quitter, and he proved it on the ’92 Olympics by profitable 5 gold medals.”
—Jimmy Fallon

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“Russian president Vladimir Putin has introduced that he has demoted the highest navy commander in Ukraine and introduced in a substitute. However you already know what they are saying: When God closes a door, Putin opens a fourth-story window.”
—Seth Meyers

“The world’s first robotic lawyer will quickly defend a consumer towards a dashing ticket in its first-ever courtroom case. The synthetic intelligence software program will run on a smartphone, take heed to the proceedings, after which instruct the defendant on what to say through an earpiece. Which is a great distance of claiming the defendant s going to jail.”
—James Cordon

And two years in the past this week:

“Trump obtained impeached in December 2019 and January 2021, and botched COVID in between. Dude mainly made a pandemic sandwich with impeachment bread.”
—Jimmy Fallon

And now, our function presentation…

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 13, 2023

Observe:  How have you learnt when Friday the thirteenth has introduced you unhealthy luck? When you end up studying Cheers and Jeers on a Friday night time. Right here endeth the lesson. 

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til Penguin Consciousness Day: 7

Days ’til Winterfest in Amana, Iowa: 8

President Biden’s approval score amongst registered voters within the newest YouGov/Economist ballot: 50%

Quantity that’ll be invested in Georgia‘s financial system, thanks partly to the Inflation Discount Act, when Hanwha Q Cell builds the most important photo voltaic panel firm within the U.S.: $2.5 billion

Variety of jobs that’ll be created, lots of which won’t require a school diploma: 2,500

Quantity of $$$ generated Tuesday in the course of the first seven hours of Connecticut‘s first day of authorized marijuana gross sales: $250,000

Variety of actors moreover Sylvester Stallone to have starred in a #1 box-office film in six consecutive a long time: 0

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Pet Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…

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CHEERS to taming the beast. Inflation is un-inflating, in accordance with the newest report from the Federal Bureau of Individuals Who Hold Monitor of These Issues. Let’s take a spin across the headlines we discovered on The World Extensive Net and see how our media overlords are framing it:

Inflation Slowed Additional in December for the Sixth Month in a Row (Washington Put up)

Inflation cooled in December, bolstering hopes US can avert recession (ABC Information)

U.S. inflation Cools Once more, Placing Consumed Monitor to Downshift (Bloomberg)

Dow Climbs Over 200 Factors After CPI Date Reveals Cooling Inflation (CNBC)

U.S. Inflation Fee Fell Final Month Amid Cheaper Gasoline and Airfares (New York Occasions)

Biden Stuffs Labeled Paperwork Down Pants as Democrats Proceed Consuming Infants and Illegals Pour Into Nation To Rape and Pillage YOUR FAMILY (Fox Information)

Costs fell in December as inflation continued to reasonable (CNN)

Biden Hails Report Exhibiting Easing Inflation Numbers (USA At this time)

As Inflation Eases, US Economic system Seems to be Much less Bleak (CBS Information)

Nanobots Believed Accountable for Pretend Inflation Numbers—Eggs now $1,000 Every (Breitbart)

Inflation cooled in December to six.5%, however the Fed is more likely to preserve rates of interest excessive (NBC Information)

Okay, who blabbed in regards to the nanobots?

JEERS to placenta behind the wheel. Oh, hey, Virginia, this is one other excellent use of your tax {dollars}—paying the salaries of the MAGA nimrods behind this:

A Virginia invoice would deem a pregnant particular person’s fetus a passenger in a automobile, thereby permitting the car to make use of the automobile pool lane on highways.

HB 1894, which a Republican legislator pre-filed within the Normal Meeting on Tuesday, “gives {that a} pregnant girl shall be thought-about two individuals for the needs of figuring out occupancy” in excessive occupancy car and excessive occupancy toll lanes on expressways within the state.

However they stopped in need of permitting HOV lane entry for automobiles with a “God is My Co-Pilot” sticker on their bumper. As a result of, c’mon, that may simply be foolish.

CHEERS to stopping with all of the capturing and the banging and the bayoneting and whatnot. 239 years in the past tomorrow, on January 14, 1784, Congress ratified the Treaty of Paris, formally ending our Battle of Independence:

After the British defeat at Yorktown, peace talks in Paris started in April 1782 between Richard Oswarld representing Nice Britain and the American Peace Commissioners Benjamin Franklin, John Jay, and John Adams.

The American negotiators have been joined by Henry Laurens two days earlier than the preliminary articles of peace have been signed on November 30, 1782. The Treaty of Paris, formally ending the battle, was not signed till September 3, 1783. The Continental Congress, which was quickly located in Annapolis, Maryland, on the time, ratified the Treaty of Paris on January 14, 1784.

Among the many different provisions we secured from Britain: recognition of our borders, repairs to all of the airports they broken, and royalty-free Benny Hill reruns.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to one of many good guys.  On this date 45 years in the past, Minnesota Senator Hubert Humphrey of Minnesota—aka Mayor of Minneapolis, LBJ’s vp, 1968 presidential candidate (nice platform apart from supporting the Vietnam Battle) and fierce advocate within the battle on poverty—died a lot too younger at 66.  He was sensible:

“Compassion shouldn’t be weak spot, and concern for the unlucky shouldn’t be socialism.”

“Behind each profitable man is a proud spouse and a shocked mother-in-law.”

“We search an America capable of protect and nurture all the fundamental rights of free expression, but capable of attain throughout the divisions that too typically separate race from race, area from area, younger from previous, employee from scholar, wealthy from poor. We search an America ready to do that within the increased information that our targets and beliefs are worthy of conciliation and private sacrifice.”

“Liberalism, above all, means emancipation—emancipation from one’s fears, his inadequacies, from prejudice, from discrimination, from poverty.”

And a particular shout-out from Humphrey to the MAGA cult: “The appropriate to be heard doesn’t robotically embody the correct to be taken significantly.” Amen.

CHEERS to house vegetation. Here is among the haps on the squawk field this weekend, beginning with Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew processing the Friday information dumps. Or you possibly can catch a brand new version of Penn & Teller: Idiot Us at 8 on the CW, adopted by an hour of Whose Line Is It Anyway? 

The brand new motion pictures and residential movies are all reviewed right here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Keep in mind: you will need to see Avatar 2 not less than 5 instances or James Cameron will come to your own home and shout his Titanic acceptance speech at you.) The NBA schedule is right here, the NFL wild card schedule is right here, the NHL schedule is right here. Amy Schumer hosts an encore version SNL. Sunday on 60 Minutes: A peek contained in the fusion-making wizards on the Lawrence Livermore Lab’s Nationwide Ignition Facility, and a report on the investigators of Russia’s smarmy oligarchs.  The Critics Alternative Awards air on The CW Sunday at 7. And when that’s over it’s off to mattress as a result of you’ve got a busy week forward. 

Now this is your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: TBA

This Week: TBA

Face the Nation: TBA

CNN’s State of the Union: rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD); Rep. Ro Khanna (D-CA); Rep. James Comer (The Cult-KY).

Fox GOP Speaking Factors Sunday: Rep. Tony Gonzales (The Cult-TX); Governor Sarah H’yuckabee Sanders (The Cult-AR).

Glad viewing!

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Ten years in the past in C&J: January 13, 2013

JEERS to the return of the dolts. The 113th “Do Nothingest” Congress convenes as we speak. On the one hand, they will ignore jobs, local weather change, immigration, infrastructure enhancements, gun violence and civil rights. However, they will hack away at girls’s rights, voter rights, Obamacare and Sandy catastrophe reduction. On the opposite different hand, they will identify some put up places of work, maintain the debt ceiling hostage, and take a document period of time off whereas getting paid $174,000 with full advantages. I say this within the most interesting George W. Bush custom: heckuva job.

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to proving the dummy incorrect.  13 years in the past this week I obtained an URGENT e-mail from some conservative hack who needed me to know one thing crucial.  It is—as most of those conspiratorial screeds are—very lengthy, however this is the Loopy Cliffs Notes model.  Being a fan of alliteration, the primary sentence gave me goosebumps:

The discredited, democrat funded ‘DailyKos’ website continues with it is every day doctored, dishonest, democrat funded pro-Obama polling numbers.  At this time’s doctored ballot reveals Obama’s approval numbers a full EIGHT factors increased than the common of all of the revered, impartial, trusted polls and a full TEN factors increased than the revered CBS Information ballot launched earlier as we speak.

Let’s be clear, Kos is taking cash from democrats to physician opinion polls and the boot-lickers and sycophants that help Kos are afraid to problem Kos.  Keep in mind, dissenting opinion, debate and argument usually are not allowed on the Kos website.  In case you disagree with Kos you aren’t allowed to put up articles on the democrat funded Kos website so not one of the info concerning doctored Kos polls and different Kos lies will ever seem on his website.  Very like the low rated Olbermann program, dissent on the ‘DailyKos’ is forbidden!  

The proof and historical past of the phony doctored polls on the democrat funded DailyKos irrefutable and hanging, sadly the nameless so-called writers that put up tales on Kos usually are not allowed to criticize him or they will be banned for all times.

And that is the place yours actually takes the “democrat funded” danger of a lifetime—as I do yearly presently—by stepping off the ledge and testing the emailer’s grand concept.  As a Each day Kos “bootlicker” that is troublesome, however right here goes: Markos, you’re a butthead.  The remaining is in God’s arms.  Please pray for my soul.

Have an excellent weekend. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about as we speak?

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