How to Deal With Bad Texters—and More Etiquette Advice From Jenna Bush Hager

Jenna Bush Hager, the host of TODAY With Jenna and Friends, and guest host Savannah Guthrie, co-anchor of TODAY, are featured in our “Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas” column in the May 2025 issue of REAL SIMPLE Magazine. Jenna and her guest host dish out honest, heartfelt advice on air (watch them live on weekdays at 10 a.m. ET). Then check out their advice on a variety of social quandaries—including how to repair a long-distance friendship after a fight.

Want advice on a sticky social situation? Email Jenna at modernmanners@realsimple.com, and she and her guest might offer up some sage advice for you in an upcoming issue of REAL SIMPLE.

How to Approach Feeling Excluded From Your Friends

Diane asks… I frequently meet up with two of my friends for dinner. Last time, they mentioned a book club they’ve both been going to for a while. I feel hurt that I wasn’t invited to join and that they discussed it in front of me. Do I have a right to feel hurt? I think it was very insensitive. Anything I can do?

Savannah Guthrie: I know a book club. It’s called Read with Jenna, and everyone’s invited.

Jenna Bush Hager: You can join whenever you want! But for this situation, I think it’s important to ask yourself whether you really want to be part of your friends’ book club or you just feel left out. Unfortunately, we’re all going to be left out from time to time.

SG: Do you think these friends are trying to exclude you? If they’re talking about it openly, it sounds like they like you, and you have wonderful dinners. Maybe they don’t think you’re the book club type. It can be hard. There’s not one of us who hasn’t felt left out from time to time. But it’s OK for our friends to have subsets.

JBH: I always say to myself, Would I really want to be there? Usually the answer is no.

SG: I’m also a big fan of being direct. If you’re dying to join, just ask!

How to Deal With Bad Texters

Deborah asks… Several of my friends will ignore texts they apparently don’t want to answer. It is, obviously, really frustrating because I’m left with a lingering doubt as to whether they saw the message at all. Is there any way to address this? Or better yet, stop it? I always reply to a message, even if it takes a while.

JBH: Sometimes we think people are ignoring our text, but they actually are just busy. How many times have you forgotten a text, Savannah?

SG: Oh, only 1,000 times. I would try to give your friends the benefit of the doubt that they’re not ghosting you. They probably have 400 texts they’re climbing out from under.

JBH: Right. They also might be dealing with children and work and errands and all the things.

SG: Maybe send a gentle “Just circling back on this!” text. Sometimes people put a question mark on their original text to me if I haven’t gotten back to them. If I don’t answer something right away, I forget, and I mean nothing by it. I just have the attention span of a kitty cat.

JBH: And kitty cats are great!

SG: If you ever have the occasion where you’re one-on-one, and you’re having a good time, you could always ask if you’re texting too much or if something else is going on.

How to Repair a Long-Distance Friendship

Anonymous asks… I have a friend from childhood who lives overseas. She was here on a visit, and we had a terrible argument. Now we haven’t spoken in almost a whole year. I’d like to patch things up and repair our 40-plus-year friendship. What should I say?

JBH: I have two words that usually work: “I’m sorry.” Even if you don’t feel like it was all on you (and it probably wasn’t), start by saying, “You’ve been my friend for 40-some years, I adore you, and I am sorry.” I would hope she feels the same way.

SG: Yeah, I bet you she’s waiting for that call, and there’s probably no reason to even go back over it. Just say, “I’m sorry and I love you.”

JBH: Right. Just ask to move forward.

How to Decide to Move on From a Friendship

Mary asks… My husband has been best friends with a group of 10 guys from his hometown since middle school. All of them got married before us and have multiple kids who are older than our baby. Most of them are high school sweethearts, so we’re the odd couple out. We’re constantly being excluded, and I can see it hurts my husband’s feelings. Whenever we have an event, we include everyone. Should we say something, or is it time to move on from their friendship?

SG: I would say yes to the latter. Meaning, you should create your own friend groups with people who have kids the same age. There’s no greater joy, as Jenna and I know, than having friends whose kids are friends with your kids, and they’re all the same age. But you can also still be friends with this old, tried-and-true group. I would try to understand that they might just be in a different phase right now.

JBH: Maybe see if your husband wants to ask for a guys night out, especially if you’re worried about his feelings in regard to not being invited to stuff with them. That could be a good way for them to connect. Another idea could be to do a couples thing without the kids.

SG: I’m almost certain they’re not trying to exclude you. It may well be they think that whatever activities they’re doing in this phase of life aren’t good for babies and that you wouldn’t want to do them.