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Talking to Yourself Is Completely Normal—and Might Actually Be Good for You

Talking to Yourself Is Completely Normal—and Might Actually Be Good for You

I’ve been talking to myself out loud since I was a young girl—at home, on the playground, at the grocery store, you name it. But what started out as a seemingly weird quirk I thought I’d grow out of turned into a practice I quite literally need to feel well. It turns out that talking to yourself has real, science-backed benefits that have transformed the way I think, feel, and act. I’m not the only one: “I recommend this kind of self-talk to anyone who feels like they are more compassionate to others than they are to themselves,” says mental health clinician Grace Lautman, LMHC. “As children, we internalize the voices of our caregivers, and we also can develop highly critical voices that originated to keep us from making mistakes in an environment that wasn’t fully safe.” As we grow into every stage of our lives, how we talk to ourselves can steer the ship of self-worth, socialization, and motivation. Thankfully, it’s never too late to change the way you talk to yourself.

  • Grace Lautman, LMHC, CN, licensed mental health counselor, certified nutritionist, and founder of Honor Nutrition & Counseling
  • Saba H. Lurie, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy

The Benefits of Talking to Yourself

Increases Self-Worth

“When you speak out loud to yourself, you’re re-parenting the parts of yourself that didn’t get the chance to develop a more grounded self-worth,” Lautman says. Talking to yourself confirms to your brain that you are in charge. As we get older, trust in ourselves is an essential factor in building self-worth and knowing when to block out the other noises.

Helps Emotional Regulation

No matter how old you are, we’re all susceptible to a lack of emotional regulation. “Critical self-talk can spiral out quickly in our brains,” Lautman says. “By talking ourselves through things, we can actually provide safety to our nervous system. For instance, if you’re feeling really bad about a mistake or a problem in your life, but you say to yourself, ‘what you’re feeling makes sense. It’s human,’ That can be really grounding and feel less scary.” Identify one phrase or mantra to repeat when emotional dysregulation gets the best of you.

Enhances Social Connections

How we feel about ourselves directly translates to how we treat others. “As you speak out loud to yourself, you become more aware of what is happening [to] you, and then you’re less likely to place blame on others,” Lautman says. “Responding to our own emotions internally allows us to communicate more clearly and kindly with others.” While this doesn’t happen in a day, taking a moment to assess how we feel before responding to an emotionally charged question can improve our social connections. The more you’re able to do so, the less likely you are to lash out in stressful situations.

Embraces a Sense of Humor

“Talking to yourself can be an opportunity to embrace humor,” says Saba H. Lurie, marriage and family counselor. “Talking to yourself gives you permission to laugh at your own thoughts, mistakes, or odd habits. The benefits of humor are multifold; this levity can relieve stress, shift perspectives, soften difficult moments, and remind us not to take ourselves too seriously.” For those of us who struggle with intrusive thinking, approaching your internal thoughts in a lighthearted manner can offer some relief. Not every thought needs to be tended to!

Allows for Curiosity

Whether we realize it or not, we tend to resist curiosity as we get older. “Talking to yourself creates space for questions, and approaching yourself with curiosity can lead to deeper self-awareness and understanding,” Lurie says. “What many of us need is a more compassionate voice that offers care, encouragement, understanding, and honest accountability. Cultivating that kind of internal support can help us to develop and improve in a healthy way without shame or avoidance.” This can be as simple as asking yourself get-to-know-you questions or doing a journaling exercise and reading your answers out loud. You’re never too old to ask questions.

How to Start Talking to Yourself (Without Feeling Weird)

The idea of talking to yourself might seem far-fetched, but the mental health benefits speak for themselves. Start simple: “To speak to yourself without cringing, you need to experiment with what resonates with you, and what doesn’t,” Lautman suggests. “You can also try and identify emotions that are at play, and respond to those (attunement)—it doesn’t have to be cheesy or positive. It just needs to be kind and real.” For example, start by describing how you feel and ask yourself why. What provoked these feelings? How do I usually work through them? When was the last time I felt this way, and what did I do to address it? Why or why didn’t it work? It can help even further to imagine yourself talking to a friend or family member to make the conversation flow naturally. “Throw out what doesn’t work for you, and use what resonates,” Lautman says.

Similarly, Lurie suggests starting as simple as stating your internal thoughts out loud. “Given that most of us are already talking to ourselves internally, a good place to start is by externalizing that inner dialogue when we’re alone,” she says. “Saying things out loud can help us become more conscious of what we’re telling ourselves and allow us to be more purposeful with our self-talk.” When you notice repetitive thought patterns, consider writing them down and using them as a prompt for future self-talk practices. Why are you inclined to revisit these thoughts, and how do they help or hinder you? Do you want to believe these thoughts or break free of them? Take time to discuss with yourself. Because, as Lurie puts it, “the relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important relationships in your life.”


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