A Week In Washington, D.C. On An $80,000 Salary

I came into our relationship with significantly more savings, which allowed us to put down 20% when we bought our house 12 years ago. J., who has always earned more money than me (his annual salary is $191,900), pays our monthly mortgage of $3,431 out of his personal account.
Debt: Remaining mortgage: $256,557; home renovation loan from my parents: $42,000.
Paycheck amount (2x/month): $2,331
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Mortgage: $3,431
Loan payments: $833 to my parents for the home renovation loan.
Gas: $22
Electricity: $90
Water: $130
Internet: $80
Netflix: $6.99
Hulu/Disney Plus/ESPN Plus Bundle: $15.89
Patreon: $5
Recurring donations: $50 to two different abortion funds.
Phone: I’m on our friends’ family plan (if anyone asks, we’re cousins) and they never ask for reimbursement.
House cleaner: $260 (twice a month).
Hebrew tutor: $180 (our daughter is studying for her bat mitzvah).
FSA: $400
401(k) contribution: $1,770
Health insurance: $742

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was definitely an expectation for me to attend higher education. My mother has a master’s and my father has an M.D. For both me and my older sister, the question wasn’t would we go to college but where. My parents also made it clear that they would contribute the same amount of money to my education as they did to my sister’s education. She went to a private college and I graduated from an in-state university so that meant that when I applied to graduate school, there was enough money left to cover that tuition. That said, my parents also encouraged me to apply for merit-based scholarships, one of which helped pay for my first semester of grad school.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My parents didn’t really talk about money that much when my sister and I were in elementary school but at some point, when we were in our early teens, my mother began having discussions with us about our family’s finances. Her family had held stocks and other assets — land, real estate etc. — for generations; as a result, she knew a lot more about investing and the stock market than my father, who grew up in a more middle-class household. My mother taught us about dividend reinvestment, diversified portfolios, market volatility and other aspects of investing in stocks and mutual funds. But while my mother was open with us about our family’s finances, she and my father thought that talking openly about money wasn’t polite. My parents were also very frugal — they bought a new car once during my childhood and drove that for over 30 years; we didn’t take extravagant vacations or live in a huge house — and as a result, I thought that all my friends came from similar backgrounds. It wasn’t until I was in college that I realized that not everyone grows up with generational wealth. In retrospect, it’s embarrassing that it took me that long to figure it out.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job that wasn’t babysitting or pet-sitting for neighbors was working in a small law office the summer before my senior year of high school. I got it because I wanted to earn my own money to buy clothes and CDs, and because at the time I wanted to be a lawyer.

Did you worry about money growing up?
I did, even though my parents never gave me a reason to worry about it. But I took books like A Little Princess and The Boxcar Children series way too seriously because I always had a fear that our family’s finances could change — for example, what if my dad lost his job? It wasn’t until I was in high school and my mother began to explain more about our finances that I stopped worrying so much.

Do you worry about money now?
Yes. I have chronic health issues that require a lot of surgeries, medications and doctors’ appointments to manage, and that’s made it difficult to consistently work full time. I spent a long time working as a freelancer because that made more sense with my health, but it also meant that I never had paid time off or sick leave, a 401(k), anything like that. And just taking care of myself is expensive. We have good health insurance through my husband’s job but because of how complex my issues are, there’s a lot that isn’t covered: treatments that are considered experimental, specialists that aren’t just out of network but out of the area. Because of the example my parents set, I’d probably live below my means even if I was healthy but knowing that, after our mortgage, my health is our largest yearly expense is a big reason that I worry about money. Based on the averages from the past six years, we spend $12,600 a year on out-of-pocket medical expenses, $3,200 a year on the tax-deductible health savings account, and $9,650 a year on health insurance.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I started paying my own rent, utilities etc. after I graduated from college. But because of my health my parents paid to keep me on their health insurance until I went to graduate school two years later and qualified for coverage through my school. After I graduated, they insisted on putting me back on their insurance until I had a full-time job with benefits. So I’d say that I wasn’t fully financially responsible for myself until I was 27. My parents did pay for my wedding; they asked me and J. to keep the expenses under $10,000, which we were happy to do. My parents still help me and J. out financially but now it’s for our daughter, M. (their only grandchild). They’ve been putting money in her 529 account for years, and that’s a big reason that the account currently has over $130,000 in it. She goes to sleepaway camp each summer and my parents insist on paying for that. They also cover our travel expenses whenever we visit them or do any kind of travel that involves my family (for instance, if we meet in my sister’s city for the holidays, my parents pay for our hotel room). Thanks to their generosity and my mother’s financial acumen, I have a very strong safety net. I know how fortunate this makes me and I don’t take it for granted.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
When each of my grandparents passed away, I received shares of stocks they had owned. And after I finished grad school my parents gave me a lump sum of $12,000, which I used to pay for rent, utilities and groceries until I found a job.