Modern Wine Bar FAQs, Answered by Sommeliers and Experts

By Emily Post’s standards, modern dining is positively lawless. The very conventions of table etiquette have been cast off: People are eating salads with their hands, drinking wine from stemless glasses, forgoing the soup spoon (whichever one that is).

Whatever merit all those quintessential fine dining dictums may have, the problem—beyond the dated bourgeois framework—is that they have little to do with the ways our hospitality venues function right now. Case in point: the cool new modern wine bar.

In large part, this breed of bar was designed to reject exclusionary, buttoned-up wine culture and replace it with more casual, exploratory service (read: make it fun). Nonetheless, a certain code of conduct still does, indeed, apply—and it would seem we’re without a template. 

Do we tip differently in venues without table service? How many by-the-glass options can one taste before getting blacklisted? Is it ever acceptable to send back a bottle that you simply don’t like? Is it still a better deal to order a bottle versus a glass in a wine bar?

In the interest of elucidating the more watery do’s and don’ts of wine bar behavior, we crowd-sourced questions from Punch readers and wine bar patrons—and then tapped experts across the country to help us answer them. In turn, we give you: your most pressing wine bar FAQs, answered by folks who actually work in wine bars.

How many by-the-glass options can you taste before you become an absolute menace?

The beauty of a BTG list is that you can taste a wine before you commit to purchasing. But for your server—who will continue to schlep bottles and pour tastes until you’re properly satisfied—it’s not exactly polite to taste a full flight. “For me, it’s three,” says D’Onna Stubblefield, beverage director at Philadelphia’s Bloomsday. “If you have a server communicating with you and translating what you think you’d like, there’s no way you need to taste more than three options.”

If you’re not familiar with the producers on any given list, your server is there to guide you. Express what you’re looking for, rather than tasting blindly. Moreover, read the room: If there’s a line growing behind you, it’s not the moment to contemplate the nuances of every option on the BTG list. “That said, you’d be amazed how many samples you can get away with if you’re just cool and respectful about it,” adds Jameson Magrogan, who helms Rodeo, a new wine bar in Brooklyn’s Crown Heights. 

So, you think your bottle is corked. What do you do next?

“Don’t hesitate to flag this immediately,” says Will Taylor, beverage director at the La Compagnie wine bars in New York. “A flawed wine should never have made it to the table, but sometimes flaws can present themselves subtly after initial inspection.”

Here’s the thing: It happens. And even wine folks often hesitate to flag with the server, whether they’re second-guessing their palate or are simply worried about being perceived as difficult. “I always apologize when I’m informing someone that I think a bottle is corked, which I need to work on, because it’s not my fault. But I do always talk to the server or the bartender, and ask to purchase a fresh bottle of the same wine,” says Daryl Nuhn of Brooklyn’s Prima. “If the servers are uncertain if the original bottle was corked, I’ll always pour the second (hopefully not corked) wine so they can smell or taste the difference.” 

Per the old restaurant adage, ordering by the bottle is always more cost-effective than ordering by the glass. Does the same apply at wine bars?

Short answer: yes. “In terms of volume, I’d say you’re almost always getting the equivalent to one free glass from any bottle you order,” says Natalie Hekmat of Los Angeles’ Voodoo Vin—which is to say, committing to the whole bottle pays off in the end (it’s wine math). 

No shade to BTG lists, though. Basile Al Mileik, who oversees the wine program at New York’s St. Jardim, admits that there’s always a time and a place for going by-the-glass (dining solo, for instance) and that every serious wine bar should, indeed, offer an “inventive, exciting” BTG program. But, he says, beyond value, “a bottle of wine is what wine and hospitality is all about—you get to experience it from top to bottom.” 

Do you tip differently for counter service and table service?

Counter-service wine bars—where you order, taste and pay for your wine at the bar, all before seating yourself—are becoming more common. Not only does this whole arrangement often allow for a smaller staff, but it also helps keep things casual. Nevertheless, even if it seems like your server is doing less legwork than folks in more traditional table-service joints, conventional tipping models apply. “Good service is good service, whether it’s at a counter or at a table,” says Conor McKee, co-owner of Brooklyn’s Whoopsie Daisy and Fiasco! Wine and Spirits. “Until we can make some major systemic changes to labor models and labor value in this country, 20 percent is the floor, folks!” 

It’s also important to remember that your tip isn’t just a bonus for your server having made a tableside appearance. “Guests don’t see the preparation that goes into service elements,” says Stubblefield of Bloomsday—think setting up, breaking down, wine-buying, glass-polishing, the list goes on. “There’s this idea that counter service is not as involved as being at a table, and that’s totally not the case.” 

What’s the best way to tell the bartender what you like?

“Just. Be. Honest,” says Evelyn Goreshnik, wine director at the Los Angeles oyster and wine bar Found Oyster. “If a customer tells me they like a big chardonnay or a fuller red, I’ll know how to steer them in the right direction [regarding] what’s available on our lists. Our job is to always find the closest thing without judgment.”

Nonetheless, it can be easy to fall prey to the overused, scenier terms we hear thrown around with reckless abandon (funky!). “A lot of people just repeat what they’ve heard or what they think is cool or high status. I end up hearing a lot of catchall terms like ‘dry,’ ‘minerally,’ ‘natural,’” says Al Mileik of St. Jardim. Instead, he advises offering your server as many categorical descriptors as you can from the get-go. “Be clear about the color and style you’re looking for, the format (glass versus bottle), your level of openness, and the price point you’re comfortable with. For example, say, Hey, I’m looking for a bottle of crisp, dry, white or orange wine for under $100. I usually like Sancerre, but I’m open to suggestions so long as they’re not too wild.”

What if you just… dislike the bottle you’ve ordered?

“I never want to drink something I dislike, and I never want someone to have to commit to drinking a whole bottle of something they don’t like,” says Nuhn of Prima. But, she admits, even for the most seasoned drinkers, it happens. “If I’m out and I’m really disappointed in a particular bottle, I’ll ask for the wine list again—probably apologize again—and tell the bartender I just really don’t like the wine, and I’d like to order something else… while offering to pay for the original bottle as well.”

If she were the one working behind the bar, Nuhn says she’d likely agree to pour the original bottle as a BTG special in lieu of charging the patron, so they can pick something they’ll enjoy without paying double. As a customer, however, she has indeed found herself paying for two bottles. “Ouch, but… I guess you shouldn’t say something if you don’t mean it,” she says.

Is it tacky to order the cheapest glass?

This is an easy one: “No way!” says Stubblefield. Not only do most bartenders, owners and beverage directors feel exceptionally proud of their lists, but they tend to feel especially pleased with their most affordable options. Which is to say, they’re certainly not serving anything they’d describe as shameful to drink. “The cheapest wine is there to be ordered,” says Magrogan of Rodeo. “We love it when someone says, ‘I just want the cheapest glass you got.’ Let’s cut to the chase.”

Why are some places doing away with by-the-glass lists right now?

“There can be a number of reasons why a place won’t have a list: heavy rotation on wine, limited availability on certain wines, wanting to be more playful with guests,” says Goreshnik. “Many places hold on to a lot of stock that isn’t on their physical list as well, and that way, they can pull from their full reserves when they think something will perfectly fit a person’s taste.” 

It’s only natural for bar patrons to scan wine lists in search of familiar varietals or producers—but allowing your server to select for you based on a set of tasting notes will often introduce you to new wines from new regions or makers that you might not have gravitated toward on your own. “This approach can create a really engaging dynamic between the staff and the guests, who are forced to spend some time discussing their preferences in order to make a selection,” Al Mileik explains. But, he counters, there can be downsides, too: “At times, I think the lack of a list can be a bit lazy—a proper BTG list can be a way for bars to promote and support more esoteric regions, varieties or producers that the natural wine community should be seeking out.”

Is it acceptable to take over a table purely to drink, without ordering food?

“My friends and I will typically order a bottle without food, or just a few snacks and hang out if we’re at a wine bar. That’s the whole point,” says Goreshnik. “Now, if you’re at a restaurant, I would be a little more mindful of doing this because they really are relying on turning tables, and having higher check averages. However, at wine bars specifically, you can sit with a bottle and enjoy.” In short, if you’re taking a table away from a crowd of eager, hungry diners, take note of that. But generally speaking, attending a wine bar with the sole intent to drink wine is hardly a faux pas. 

When is it OK to bring your own bottle to a wine bar… Or, is it ever OK?

A wine bar is essentially the opposite of a BYOB joint. If you’re not there to enjoy the wine (or a nonalcoholic equivalent), you’re basically there to borrow some chairs. Al Mileik has his own rules around corkage. “Most places have a corkage policy, but it can be bad etiquette,” he says. “Yes, sometimes it makes sense (unicorn bottle, old vintage, etc.), but if you’re doing it, be sure to share generously with the staff. Order food, purchase at least one bottle from the menu for each bottle you’ve brought, and don’t try to negotiate the corkage fee—those are my policies.” In his experience, when folks manage the exchange elegantly enough, corkage fees are often waived. Needless to say: Be gracious, and be grateful.

Is adding ice still illegal?

Sure, there are certain wines you’d never deign to dilute. But the bottom line is that drinking should equate to pleasure, so the occasional ice cube is not exactly a crime. “The correct way to drink a glass of wine, or any drink for that matter, is however you like it,” says Magrogan.

“I operate both Fiasco! and Whoopsie Daisy as judgment-free zones. Like ice in your wine? Go for it,” adds McKee. “I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum, and you just paid for that bottle. You should get to enjoy it however you like. The only crime in this scenario is if you’ve been given a bottle that’s too warm from the start.”