5 Ways to Sleep Better Next to Your Partner

Falling asleep next to your partner can be a wonderful thing. However, if you have different sleep preferences—whether it be schedules, room temperature, or lighting—it can be difficult to get consistent, quality rest. Over time, this can spark friction and stress in a relationship, as sleep is so important for mood, energy, and overall health.

Fortunately, it’s possible to improve how you both sleep by making small, mindful adjustments. “Start by communicating from a place of collaboration and curiosity,” suggests Leeor Gal, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist. Think of how you can tackle the problem with your partner, rather than approaching it as “me versus you.” It might also help to designate time to sit down and brainstorm resolutions when you’re both feeling good—i.e., not tired or having a bad day, Gal suggests. “When speaking to each other, use ‘I’ statements,” Gal says. “This is helpful so the other person doesn’t feel attacked or blamed for what has been going on.”

From there, work with your partner to incorporate the following changes into your sleep routine, as recommended by sleep specialists and therapists. With time and patience, these five tips can help you get better sleep despite different preferences—ultimately making your relationship stronger.

Optimize Your Sleep Environment

Of course, optimizing your sleep environment is important regardless of your sleep setup. But it’s especially vital if you sleep next to someone with different preferences, as it can help you both get the rest you need, says Dr. Keisha Sullivan, DO, sleep medicine physician. To start, consider installing blackout curtains to create a cool, dark, and quiet space, Dr. Sullivan suggests—this will minimize light exposure if one of you tends to sleep in. Dr. Sullivan also recommends keeping electronics out of the bedroom, as the blue light exposure from digital devices can make it hard for both parties to snooze.

Customize Your Bedding

Here’s the thing: Even if you share a bed with someone else, it doesn’t mean you need to use the same things. For example, if the movement of one partner tends to wake up the other, use separate blankets, suggests Andrew Colsky, JD, LMHC, licensed mental health counselor. This way, it will be easier for each person to get in and out of bed without disrupting the other, he explains. Alternatively, if one partner prefers a colder room temperature, add a cooling mattress pad to one side of the bed. 

If your schedules clash, “consider switching to an alarm clock that vibrates rather than sounds a loud tone,” Colsky suggests. “This will wake you up on time without impacting your partner’s sleep.” Such alarm clocks can be placed near your bed, under your pillow, or even worn around your wrist in the form of a smart watch. With these swaps, you’ll be able to collectively solve issues while honoring each person’s preferences.

Use a White Noise Machine

“One simple yet powerful tip is to use a white noise machine or fan on your side of the bed,” Dr. Sullivan suggests. “This can help mask your partner’s snoring, late-night screen use, or early alarms without forcing anyone to change their habits.” (In contrast, if you’re the one who checks these boxes, place the device on your partner’s side!). White noise machines and fans will create a consistent sound environment, which trains your brain to associate background noise with sleep, Dr. Sullivan explains. “You can also pair it with earplugs and a sleep mask for even more protection from disruptions.”

Establish Bedtime Compromises

“When one person’s habits regularly disrupt the other’s sleep, both can rack up sleep debt, leading to fatigue, irritability, and [an] increased risk of chronic conditions,” Dr. Sullivan says. With that in mind, being mindful of each other’s sleep preferences can go a long way. Begin by collectively considering your habits and movements in the bedroom, and how they might affect each other. For instance, if your partner tends to wake up earlier, ask them if they can use a smaller, dimmer light, as recommended by Colsky. Alternatively, agree to close the door when leaving the bedroom to minimize noise. “Respecting each other’s sleep preferences isn’t just about being considerate—it’s about protecting both partners’ health and well-being,” Dr. Sullivan says.

Consider Sleeping Separately (It’s Not That Big a Deal!)

“If you’ve tried sound machines, separate blankets, or bedtime compromises and still wake up feeling drained, it may be time to consider sleeping separately,” Dr. Sullivan says. The same goes if your relationship has become strained due to tension or resentment, Colsky notes. But remember: “Sleeping doesn’t have to mean emotional distance; it can actually protect a relationship if it’s done with care and attention,” he says. Dr. Sullivan echoes this notion, sharing that restoring your sleep can strengthen your connection during waking hours.

But what if your partner is resistant? Try to understand why your partner wants to sleep together and talk through their concerns, Gal suggests. Next, explain the reasoning behind sleeping separately, and acknowledge ways you can still spend quality time together beyond sleeping (like cuddling or enjoying hobbies before bed), she adds. You can also try sleeping separately a few nights a week or during high-stress periods. Ultimately, “prioritize quality sleep the same way you prioritize healthy meals or exercise—it’s essential, not optional,” Dr. Sullivan says.