Making It Work: Expert Advice for Retirees Moving in with Their Adult Child’s Family
Maybe you’ve heard of the term “boomerang children,” where adult kids move back in with mom and dad. It’s a fairly common occurrence, with approximately one-third of U.S. adult children ages 18 to 34 living with their parents in 2024, according to the US Census Bureau.
Fewer people may be aware of a role reversal in home headcounts, as more parents are moving in with their adult sons and daughters. Sociologists are already calling this trend the “reverse boomerang effect,” and it’s more prevalent than you might think. The data on the topic is sparse, but 9% of multi-generational U.S. homes were owned by a 25-to-34-year-old, according to the Pew Research Center. That’s up from 6% in 2001.
Why are retired moms and/or dads increasingly bunking with their adult children? And is it something you might want to consider?
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Experts point to some obvious and some less obvious reasons.
“The single largest cost for most people is housing, and the rising cost of housing has become prohibitive for many retirees,” said Cheryl L. Evans, director of lifetime financial security at the Milken Institute. “This is particularly significant for those living in major metropolitan areas.”
Consequently, retired parents who don’t own a home will pay much higher rents, even adjusted for inflation, than those from several decades ago. “Many of those older parents who own a home haven’t paid off their mortgage in their early-to-mid-60s,” Evans said. “Thus, both groups face high housing costs and lower income, and moving in with relatives may be necessary or a choice that decreases their financial stress.”
There’s another reason why parents may move in with their adult kids.
“Retirees who move in with their children also benefit from social and emotional support that often contributes to their overall well-being, since loneliness becomes a big issue in retirement,” Evans added.
How to make living with adult children work for everyone
In most cases, parents and adult children agree to live under the same roof and plan out the particulars.
“Most of the cases I have seen work well have separate or semi-separate living spaces, with the older adult typically having a private space that connects to the main house, or maybe a floor of the house,” said Frances Toler, CEO at Tolar Financial Group, in Silver Spring, Md.
“More often, a typical single-family home comes with a separate apartment in the basement, or to the side,” Tolar said. He noted that this is the option most of his clients have taken. “In most cases, the homes each had were unsuitable for this shared purpose, so they pooled resources and bought a home with an existing apartment.”
Ultimately, the living arrangements are based on three familiar factors — money, square footage, and family civility.
“If the retirees get along well with the adult kids, they can take a bedroom downstairs and be more integrated with the younger family,” said Roland Chow, partner at Optura Advisors in Burlingame, California.
If both parties mutually would like more privacy, funds can be combined to construct a so-called “granny pod” or accessory dwelling unit (ADU), which could be a living unit in the backyard, an extension of the house, or even a converted garage.
“Typically, taking a loan from the existing house to improve or extend the house is a smart move because the interest rate on the loan can be deducted,” Vhow said. “The retiree can help by contributing to the cost, and it becomes a win-win for everyone, and the two or more households become a community.”
Granny pods can be limited in space, but usually have more privacy for the retiree. However, not every property can accommodate this kind of setup.
The pros and cons of living in your adult children’s homes
In most cases, parents opting to move into their adult children’s home is not the first choice for anyone. But once a decision has been made and the move is in the works, both parties should factor in the upsides and downsides.
The pros of parents living in their adult children’s homes
Retirees get a good deal by moving in with an adult son or daughter
“They’ll likely have more social and family contact, more help as their abilities decline, and the ability to have a yard and garden without full responsibility,” Toler said. “Retirees can also play a big role in their grandchildren’s lives, possibly having a nicer home than they can afford.”
The adult children gain advantages, too
Adult children will benefit, too, Toler said. “They’ll have the emotional support of a parent nearby and have financial help with bills.”
The adult children will also have practical support from a parent to handle complex time management issues when working, such as staying home with a sick child, having the plumber come, or walking the dog midday.
Additionally, Grandparents living under the same roof (or at least on the same property) can act as built-in babysitters and easily watch the grandkids, giving mom and dad some time flexibility.
“If the adult kids have children of their own and they need babysitting help, the retiree parents would be a great resource,” Chow said.
Income flexibility for retirees
Another good option for retirees is the ability to plan for a second career or to obtain a less stressful or less time-consuming job in retirement.
“Some retirees might get a fun job, like working in a museum or park,” Evans said. “Many Americans are moving towards having multiple income streams, as the gig economy has expanded, and tech and AI are creating more online jobs. This may be enough to prevent a retiree from feeling they have no choice but to move in with someone else.”
The cons of parents living in their adult children’s homes
Family conflict
Conflict may arrive sooner rather than later for families with a history of not getting along well.
“Any family with high conflict and poor communication will suffer more in close confines,” Tolar said. “It’s easy to imagine this going poorly if one party is difficult in some way. Luckily, I have not seen this yet, but have counseled clients not to proceed if they foresee lots of conflict ahead.”
That’s especially true when parents move in with their married son or daughter, who bring in-laws into the equation. Quarreling between parents and in-law spouses can easily be a deal breaker in any generational shared household scenario.
Communications and guideline issues
Live-in generational family realities can quickly erode thoughts of cozy brunches and family movie nights.
“There can be tension around boundaries, space, privacy, and generational differences,” said Lynn Toomey, founder of Her Retirement and Retired Solved, two digital retirement planning advisory platforms. “If expectations aren’t spelled out from the beginning, such as financial contributions, caregiving roles, and household responsibilities, it can certainly lead to issues.”
Additionally, caregivers, often adult daughters and daughters-in-law, may carry more of the burden, which can lead to burnout. “That’s a situation I’ve personally witnessed,” Toomey noted. “That’s why it’s so important to have a long-term plan, such as when the parent or parents need care.”
A lack of proper planning
One of the biggest mistakes financial experts see when commingling adult families in one setting is not getting good financial planning advice ahead of the move-in date.
“People who fail to consult with an experienced elder law attorney who can guide them could be courting trouble,” said Evan H. Farr, principal attorney at Farr Law Firm, P.C. in Fairfax, Va.
A good specialist can walk family members through the process of titling the property to avoid potential disasters when it comes time to file for Medicaid, for example.
“If a parent contributes money to the acquisition of a new multi-family property, or towards building an addition onto an existing property owned by their children, the parents should generally acquire an ownership interest on the deed equivalent to the value of the money they are contributing,” Farr noted.
He said that this often does not happen. As a result, the money the parents contribute is considered a gift legally by most state Medicaid agencies. This is a problem when it comes time to file for Medicaid if nursing home-level care is needed.
Live-in alternatives
Another good living option for cash-strapped retirees is moving near their family, possibly in a less expensive home.
“We see this happening more over the past decade,” Evans said. “This way, the retiree retains their independence, connects with and sees their children and grandchildren frequently, and decreases costs from having nearby family support.”
Ultimately, each situation is unique, and all retirees must carefully analyze their financial situation before any move-in dates are set.
“That analysis should focus on all sources of income, such as retirement savings and home equity, project their Social Security benefits and pensions out over time, and estimate medical costs and other expenses in retirement,” Evans said. “This is not an exact science, as life can and will bring unexpected changes and challenges.”
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