Election diary: Satirists must be in despair after Tory campaign’s first comedic days | Politics

History boys

Every election needs some questionable statistics. Lovers of crimes against line graphs will be pleased to hear of one from Reform UK showing migration since 1066, which missed out migration spikes long before William the Conk was even a twinkle in the Duke eye. A major peak came, for instance, about 25,000 years ago, when the population went up from zero – a startling increase – and Reform also had nothing to say about the Romans, Anglo-Saxons or Beakers. And why leave the Vikings out? Reform’s obsession with small boats might have actually captured the zeitgeist.

Redwood felled

Timber! Among the Tory MPs making a rather unseemly bolt for the exit is former comedy leadership candidate John Redwood. Among his greatest hits is the fact he was nicknamed “Vulcan” by colleagues, on account of a passing resemblance to Mr Spock – minus the uncanny reasoning abilities. In many ways Redwood was ahead of his time. In 1993, his attempt to sing the Welsh national anthem before realising he didn’t actually know the words was so potent with absurdity that it managed to go viral before social media was even invented.

It’s going really well

Fuelling unemployment is rarely the aim of any politician, but Rishi Sunak’s first few campaign days threaten to send satirists straight to the dole queue. When the prime minister forgets that rain is wet and Welsh people don’t like to be reminded about the Euros, your services aren’t required. But Sunak’s trip to Belfast’s Titanic quarter as MPs headed for the lifeboats felt a bit too on the nose. Do his planners have other coastal visits in mind. Perhaps a photoshoot on the beach where Neil Kinnock was knocked over? Failing that, West Sussex is usually safe territory. Any decent venues in Goring-by-Sea?

Deja vu in Islington

There are few new things in politics – except the time a Tory MP caught watching porn claimed he’d been looking for tractors. Take North Islington, where Jeremy Corbyn will stand as an independent against the party he once led. Sounds familiar? That’s because in 1983, the former MP for Islington North ran against Labour as an independent. It may ring a bell with the fresh-faced Labour candidate back then – one J Corbyn.

A different kind of thrill

Wycombe’s Tory MP and self-styled Brexit hardman Steve Baker had clearly given some thought to his post-parliament activities should he fail to retain his seat. When asked what he might get up to next, he instantly reeled off his high-octane and in no way overly specific wishlist of “skydiving, motorcycling, fast catamaran sailing”. Having survived the damage that Liz Truss did to his party’s poll ratings during her time in No 10, Baker seems to be, understandably, looking for something a bit less hair-raising.