I confessed to my 4 year old crush and she joked about it now i feel suicidal

She was my crush for more than 4 years we use to sit together and she was always kind and nice to me we used to talk all night and she always used to tease and light flirt with me and my feelings started growing stronger and then suddenly one day she stopped talking to me later I found out she got a bf I was happy for her but this really broke me inside he is much better than me.

I am aware of how ugly and awkward I am which makes me creepy but does that mean that I am not capable of love? I am crying while I am typing this I feeling extremely suicidal. My dad is an abusive asshole and my mom is a narcissist and I have no friends. I am not good academically and I am not good in sports. I have no one to miss me. I want to end my life. Thankyou for reading this.