Jenna Bush Hager’s Best Advice on Calling Out Body Shaming

Jenna Bush Hager, the host of TODAY With Jenna and Friends, and guest host Talia Parkinson-Jones, an executive producer on TODAY and excellent dilemma solver, are featured in our “Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas” column in the February/March issue of REAL SIMPLE Magazine. Jenna and her guest host dish out honest, heartfelt advice on air (watch them live on weekdays at 10 a.m. ET.). Then check out their advice on a variety of social quandaries—including how to confront an unfaithful ex—below.

Want advice on a sticky social situation? Email Jenna at modernmanners@realsimple.com, and she and her guest might offer up some sage advice for you in an upcoming issue of REAL SIMPLE.

How to Understand a Friend’s Intentions

ANONYMOUS ASKS: My friend often reaches out with texts like “Hey! Are you free on Saturday?” The issue: I don’t know whether she’s asking if I’m free to hang out with her or if I’m free to dog-sit or babysit. And it’s often the latter. How do I respond in a way that gives me the option to hang out but maybe not dog-sit?

JENNA BUSH HAGER: Well, that’s a lot of responsibility in a friendship. It’s not very fair of her. I think you need to be transparent. You can write back and say, “Hey, if you’re asking if I’m free to hang, I’m totally free, but I can’t hang with the dogs.”

TALIA PARKINSON-JONES: I’d tell her you can hang and you’re really looking forward to having some fun.

JBH: You don’t think she needs to transparently say that she can’t or doesn’t want to dog-sit?

TPJ: I don’t think she needs to say that part. Just say, “I’m really looking forward to hanging out with you. I haven’t seen you in a while. I can’t wait to go out and do something fun.”

JBH: But what if the friend writes back and asks if she can dog-sit? She just says she can’t?

TPJ: Yes, exactly. No explanation needed! Friends shouldn’t be putting us in bad positions, and they should accept a blanket no without an excuse. She might get the hint and start being more clear with her asks.

How to Confront an Unfaithful Ex

SARAH ASKS: My ex-husband and I were together for 22 years. I’m happy in a new relationship, and I’ve forgiven my ex for cheating on me with his current wife of four years. But she recently posted a “happy anniversary” Facebook message stating that they’d had “eight years of adventures.” That math doesn’t math—even based on what I know now. Should she be bragging about being with him while we were still married to all our mutual friends and family?! This seems so disrespectful, and it opened some old wounds! Should I say something to her or him? One day their two boys might do the math, and I think it makes her look bad in the end.

TPJ: You should definitely say something to the current wife!

JBH: If you have an open enough relationship with either of them, you could just say, “Eight years—the math is giving me a headache.”

TPJ: I actually don’t think she should beat around the bush. I think she has to be up-front and honest, especially when there are children involved. Tell her exactly what you just told us: that you’re happy for them and you’re all in a good place, but this new info is bugging you and it’s not a good look. I’m guessing she’ll know you’re right.

How to Respectfully Dispose of Pet Poop

KIM ASKS: When I walk our dog in the morning on trash day, I pass at least a dozen trash bins. Would it be wrong to dump the bagged dog poo in a stranger’s bin rather than carry it home? I always bring it home, as I don’t want to upset anyone, but I often wonder about the proper protocol when the trash is getting picked up that day.

TPJ: It’s fine! Dump the poop. Don’t you think?

JBH: We’re all carrying too much crap already! If it’s being picked up, I think that’s fine. Just make sure it’s tied properly. And of course, if someone sees you and asks you to stop, apologize profusely. But I really can’t imagine anyone would have a problem with it. It’s trash, after all.

How to Call Out People on Body Shaming

NIKKA ASKS: I am a midsize woman and have recently found a healthy relationship with my body and with food after decades of self-loathing and disordered eating. My in-laws, however, are relentless body shamers. They get entertainment out of commenting on women’s appearances on TV or out in public. These little incidents have always made me feel uncomfortable. They also don’t align with how we want to raise our daughter. How can I persuade them to rethink their actions, especially around my daughter?

JBH: I think you need to talk to your partner and let them know that these little comments about the way women look are going to be something your daughter internalizes.

TPJ: I also think you should talk to your in-laws. I wouldn’t make it about you. Like Jenna said, make it about the grandkids.

JBH: Say that you don’t want your daughter to think we talk about other women like that. Add a little “I know you don’t mean it, but your words can impact your granddaughter.”

TPJ: Let them know that you want to raise your child in a different way, and ask them to be mindful.