Jurassic World Rebirth Features The Worst Product Placement In The Franchise

There is so much I could rant about in “Jurassic World Rebirth.” I could talk about the script, which seems to forget its own exposition the moment it’s spoken, only to repeat it in the next scene (and the next and the next). I could also talk about the former Blackwater mercenary character who’s played essentially like the mess-around delinquent in a teen dramedy. Or … I could talk about the Snickers bar.

Let’s talk about the Snickers bar, shall we?

Rarely has a film ever led so immediately and egregiously with its product placement as “Jurassic World Rebirth.” The opening scene — one that, in retrospect, seems entirely unnecessary given the featured dino’s tiny role in the rest of the movie — shows technicians in an InGen genetics lab caring for a wide range of mutant dinosaur hybrids. One of the scientists entering the containment cell for the massive (and embarrassingly named) Distortus rex does so while eating a Snickers in the most “guy trying to create horrible accidents in a film” way you could imagine. The wrapper, discarded just outside the door, is pulled into the containment area like Dorothy to the land of Oz. This is supposedly the glitch in the system that allows huge security measures to go haywire, resulting in the scientist getting chomp-chomped.

It’s a wild choice to start the movie with such a flagrant bit of brand marketing, and it’s far from the film’s only instance of distracting product placement. However, it’s also worth mentioning that the Snickers scene, in particular, is actually an homage to Michael Crichton’s original “Jurassic Park” sequel novel.

Many have read Crichton’s “Jurassic Park.” Many others, but fewer, to be sure, have read its follow-up, “The Lost World.” That book was also adapted as the second entry in the “Jurassic” film series, “The Lost World: Jurassic Park,” and while there are a lot of similarities, the movie makes some big changes to its source material.

One scene in the novel features a similar candy bar incident, in which the callous littering of the wrappers gives a pack of velociraptors a unique scent to hunt. They later use this to track down and kill a character, apparently enjoying the chocolate as well. It’s likely that “Rebirth” is paying homage to this scene in its own way, but the product placement erases much of the fun and just makes the whole thing feel strange.

This isn’t the only aspect of “The Lost World” featured in the film, either. The geothermal power that runs all across the island setting in “Rebirth” is taken directly from Crichton’s “The Lost World.” Also, the sequence in “Rebirth” where the T-rex chases people down a river while they’re riding on a raft is lifted from the original “Jurassic Park” novel. (It’s one of the more memorable scenes in Crichton’s book that wasn’t included in Steven Spielberg’s film adaptation.)

Perhaps including the Snickers wrapper so early in “Rebirth” was meant to warn viewers about the kind of movie they’re about to see — the kind rife with brand placement. Indeed, Dr. Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey) is constantly shown popping Altoids into his mouth, giving us that signature Altoids crunch. (Gotta have my altoids!) Then, during the film’s climax, a gas station convenience store sequence tries desperately to eke out even a fraction of the tension from the iconic “Jurassic Park” kitchen scene, but the massive Dr. Pepper display erases what little drama might have been there.

And of course, there were specialty tie-in Dr. Pepper cans for the movie in the real world.

It’s all “Mountain Dew vending machine turning into a Transformer” levels of eye-rolling, and while removing the product placement entirely wouldn’t have saved “Jurassic World Rebirth,” its heavy inclusion doesn’t help much. It makes one long for the narrative relevance of the Barbasol can, does it not?

“Jurassic World Rebirth” is now playing in theaters.