In his final Late Night episode before Tuesday’s presidential election, Seth Meyers lamented the race’s tied polls and reviewed a decade of political blunders from Donald Trump.
“None of us can control what happens tomorrow,” Meyers told his audience Monday night. “We can only control how drunk we are when it happens.”
The Late Night host went on to share a montage of political pundits reviewing the election’s polling information, which show Kamala Harris and Donald Trump locked in a dead heat.
“How can so many polls be tied? Are they doing the first half of the poll at an artisanal coffee shop in Williamsburg and the second half of the poll in the beer line at a Kid Rock concert?” Meyers asked the crowd. “How is it possible that exactly half the country thinks Trump is an amoral psychopath who would wreck American democracy, and the other half thinks he’s an amoral psychopath who would wreck American democracy — but it’s worth it because he’s a really good dancer.”
The comedian also touched on the surprising Iowa poll, released last weekend, that showed Harris up over Trump. “The only thing more shocking than Harris winning Iowa would be Harris winning Mar-a-Lago,” Meyers said, “and then Mar-a-Lago winning Trip Advisor’s best place to host a wedding that won’t be interrupted by a former president giving a long speech about Arnold Palmer having a horse d—.” (The joke was seemingly a reference to several of Trump’s indiscretions.)
Meyers went on to joke about Trump’s many complaints to the Iowa poll, showing footage of the Republican candidate criticizing the data at several rally appearances. “I think even Trump can sense that the vibes are bad, because he seemed pretty despondent at his rallies this weekend…he sounds like a guy at the end of the bar muttering to no one about an old flame,” he said.
The Late Night host also spoke about Trump’s recent declaration that if elected, he would allow RFK Jr. “to go wild” on healthcare policy.
“Generally speaking, no one who knows anything about medicine says the word, ‘I’m going to go wild about medicine,’” Meyers said. “There’s no show called Doctors Gone Wild.”
In an epic conclusion to the beloved Late Night segment, Meyers then went on a whirlwind review of Trump’s decade of gaffes, saying to start, “Trump is not being subtle about the threat he poses. He’s even starting to look like a traffic sign that says Road Closed Ahead.”
Meyers delivered the six-minute overview as a single sentence, and touched on Jan. 6 and Trump’s long campaign to overturn the 2020 election, as well as the former president’s mishandling of the pandemic — “lied about it’s severity, promoted sham treatments for it, said we could cure it by injecting disinfectant” — along with his criticized economic policies, his many offensive comments about women and his dismissive and dangerous handling of hurricanes in Puerto Rico.
Meyers also played clips of Trump’s various viral faux pas, including when he couldn’t close an umbrella, walked up the steps of Air Force One with toilet paper on his shoes, dressed as a sanitation worker and couldn’t open the door to a garbage truck and pretended to work at McDonald’s.
“So you know, it’s a toss up,” Meyers told the crowd to laughter and cheering. “I’ve been talking about this man for nearly a decade now, as evidenced by the fact that everything I just listed is in my brain.” He then added that Tuesday offers “an opportunity to say as a nation that we want him to go away, and I really hope that happens.”
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