Hey Valentine, Beware of Catfishing Romance Scams
Liza Likins, who sang backup for Fleetwood Mac and Linda Ronstadt, thought she had found love again. After grieving the loss of her husband, she turned to Facebook to make friends and connect with others online. As her story shows, even someone as successful and connected as Likins — who roomed for a time with the rock star Stevie Nicks — could fall victim to a devastating romance catfish scam.
Wanting to be authentic, she listed herself as a widow on her profile. It wasn’t long before men, including one named “Donald,” began sliding into her DMs. “Donald” reminded Likins of her late husband, both in looks and demeanor. He quickly became a daily presence in her life, messaging her constantly.
“He was so charming, such a gentleman — polite, smart, and funny,” recalls the 76-year-old Likins, who was 72 when the scam began. “He was everything I liked, but I knew it was too soon.”
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However, “Donald” was persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer. For nearly five months he wrote to her daily, saying all the right things, sharing common interests and gradually winning her over.
Eventually, Likins relented and allowed him into her life. This marked the beginning of a 19-month long-distance romance, filled with hours of daily phone calls, emails and messages.
But “Donald” wasn’t who he claimed to be, nor did he want Likins’ heart. Instead, he was after her money. In the end, the Nigerian catfisher conned Likins out of about $1.2 million — money she hasn’t been able to recover.
She sold her house and drained her retirement savings to fulfill “Donald’s” numerous requests. Desperate for help, Likins even reached out to Social Catfish, a company that verifies online identities using reverse search technology, but their efforts were in vain.
“I was heartbroken. I fell in love with this guy. I thought he loved me,” said Likins. “My power got turned off twice; I got COVID and didn’t have money for doctors or food. I lost all my friends. Everyone thought I was stupid and an idiot. It was really quite horrible.”
Likins was lucky enough to get financial help from one of her celebrity friends, but the emotional scars remain.
Older adults a prime target for catfishing romance scams
Likins isn’t alone. As more older adults search for love online, scams targeting them are on the rise. Known as romance scams, criminals use fake online identities to gain victims’ trust and ultimately steal their money.
These scammers often target older adults on dating sites and social media, costing victims billions of dollars. In 2023 alone, victims were scammed out of over $3.4 billion, marking an 11% year-over-year increase. The average victim lost $33,915 that year, according to FBI data.
Romance scams come in various forms depending on the criminal group behind them, but the pattern typically remains the same: the scammer courts the victim, gains their trust and affection, and then fabricates a series of emergencies that require money, all while relying on the victim’s goodwill.
That was the case for Likins and “Donald.” He told her he was the director of a gold mining operation in the Australian outback, explaining that their inability to meet in person was due to his remote work location.
The requests started small, with “Donald” asking Likins to send gift cards to cover the cost of WiFi internet, as they were communicating so frequently. A few thousand dollars here and there gradually escalated over time.
“Donald” convinced Likins that the gold mining operation was thriving and persuaded her to pay for the shipment of a safe containing gold bars, which he claimed he needed her to store safely at her home in Las Vegas.
However, a series of supposed mishaps and delays at various ports along the way only increased Likins’ expenses. It wasn’t until she saw an episode of Social Catfish — and after losing a staggering $1.2 million — that she realized she had been scammed.
Romance scams come in different flavors
The Nigerian Romance Scam is the most well-known, but organized romance scams also originate from countries such as the Dominican Republic and the Philippines.
“The scammers spend a lot of time collecting facts about people,” says Cliff Steinhauer, director of information security and engagement at The National Cybersecurity Alliance. “The important thing to remember is these are pretty well-organized criminal groups, not just a one-off catfish. It’s a really big problem with lots of victims and lots of money being lost.”
Likins never dreamed she would be catfished. Sure, she was new to social media and maybe not the most tech-savvy individual, but she is no fool. But Likins said “Donald” pulled out all the stops, even using AI to send her pictures and even briefly Facetime her.
“I was like a drill sergeant, I asked questions about everything and he had bullet-proof stories and excuses for everything,” she says. “I never heard the phrase love bombing. I didn’t know what that meant. I was clueless, naive, gullible and extremely vulnerable at the time.”
Red flags to look out for
No one wants to believe they’re being catfished when entering a new relationship, but no one wants to be a victim either. To stay safe, be on the lookout for these red flags:
Love bombing: The law of large numbers applies to romance scams. Scammers aren’t targeting just one victim—they’re after many. To act quickly, they bombard you with compliments, promises and even marriage proposals early on.
“Be on the lookout for messages that are poorly written and escalate quickly from an initial introduction to an attempt at a deeper connection,” says Kristen Berry, VP of communications and corporate social responsibility at eharmony.
Tries to take it off the app: Online dating sites take significant steps to protect users from scammers. If someone is eager to move the conversation off the platform right away, be cautious.
“Users who don’t have the best intentions tend to move communication off the original app or website as soon as possible, and often onto a less secure platform,” says Berry.
Won’t meet in-person or via video chat: It’s normal to start getting to know someone through text, emails, or app messages, but most relationships progress to phone calls, video chats and eventually in-person meetings.
If the person you’re talking to refuses to chat via video or phone and consistently makes excuses, be suspicious.
Keep it close to the vest: Scammers might know everything about you, but when it comes to their own life, details are scarce — this is intentional. If your online “lover” shares exaggerated stories with inconsistencies or gives vague answers to specific questions, stay alert, advises Berry.
Asks for sensitive information: Your partner doesn’t need to know your Social Security number or your bank account password. If they ask for sensitive information like credit card details or account numbers, don’t give it to them. It’s almost certainly a scam. Instead, report them to the dating or social media platform you’re using.
Needs your help: Scammers prey on victims’ kindness and generosity. They gradually build trust and then begin asking for money to cover “emergencies.” They may start with small requests, testing the waters. The more generous you are, the more likely they are to ask for larger sums.
How to protect yourself
Beyond recognizing the red flags, there are steps you can take to confirm you’re not being catfished. If it’s a long-distance relationship or you and the other person aren’t ready to meet in person, ask for video chats and phone calls. Never share sensitive information or send money to someone you’ve only met online.
Ebony White, director of economic security & social safety net initiatives at the National Council on Aging, suggests checking social media accounts for consistency or a lack of information, and using reverse image searches on profile pictures to see if they appear elsewhere on the internet. Ultimately, try to set emotions aside and assess the situation objectively. If anything seems off, go with your gut; it’s probably correct.
“My advice is do not post on social media that you are a widow and don’t ever send any amount of money to somebody that you have not met in person. They really know how to cover their bases,” says Likins.
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