The Evolution of Being Horny Online, By Hunter & Peyton

But horniness has expanded its meaning — brands are horny now, sports are horny again, late night hosts regularly put a gun to a celebrity’s head and make them read their own thirst tweets. Men are going to Turkey to get hair transplants and you can’t scroll for five minutes without the worst Medspa in your neighborhood insisting you need a syringe of Botox or filler. Tread lightly! Desire is never straightforward. We are grown; looksmaxxing will only get the right person so far. We are not 24-years-old anymore, thank God. Our standards are not just different, they’re higher and hyper specific. Good luck to Paul Mescal and his tiny shorts and Glenn Powell and that tiny dog. Step up Miguel on Love Island USA (though we do own property in Soul Ties). Forget a six pack, or a guy with a trust fund, 6’5″, blue eyes. We raise you a man who is quiet during Housewives. If you really want to talk about something sexy, let’s discuss Global Entry. Let’s talk about having a phone charger in every room of the house. You want to talk dirty? Tell me about your 401K match. Imagine a partner who happily takes the cardboard recycling down to the curb from your fourth-floor walk-up. I’m looking for someone who regularly tips bartenders 20%.