The Sexiest Collard Farmer Competition in North Carolina Declares a Winner

People magazine recently announced its 2024 Sexiest Man Alive, but the annual award we’ve been eagerly awaiting was finally announced yesterday — the “Sexiest Collard Farmer” of North Carolina competition has officially declared a winner.

This tongue-in-cheek competition might bring a little levity to your week, but the competitors took it very seriously. In anticipation of the voting that ended on November 26, the website collardsonly.com reads “These North Carolina Collard Farmers & Farmettes think they’ve got the grit — and the greens — to claim the title of North Carolina’s Sexiest Collard Farmer, but the truth is, it’s all up to you.

“Do they have what it takes to charm your vote with their collard-growing prowess, mud-caked boots, and undeniable farm-fresh appeal? Cast your vote, and let’s find out who’s got the true grit to be crowned the absolute hottest Collard Farmer in all of North Carolina!” 

Scrolling through the entrants, you can see just how alluring all these farmers are, as evidenced by the sultry stare coming off the grower from Red Beard Farm in Dillard, the charming smile on the farmer from Brock Farms in Grantham, and the absolutely adorable entrant from Parrish Farms in Nashville who’s holding a baby in his photo submission — which seems like it could count as cheating, because it’s cute enough to sway the vote.

But after all was said and done and the votes were counted, there was one clear winner: Patrick Brown from Brown Family Farms in Henderson, North Carolina, who won over a majority with the striking combination of an alluring gaze, shining sunlight, and a bouquet of collard greens in his photo.

“Congrats on a great fight. The people have spoken,” one commenter wrote on the Facebook post announcing Brown’s win. “All hail the King of the Greens,” another added. 

Brown Family Farms also chimed in to say “Thanks to everyone who voted, farmers who participated, and The State You’re In for hosting an enjoyable contest. This was all in fun and a great way to enjoy the holiday season while feeding the world one county at a time! Happy Thanksgiving to all!” 

Even this lighthearted competition wasn’t without its controversies, as there were a few photos submitted that were a touch too scandalous for organizers to post on social media at all.  

“I think next year we’re going to make it where it’s a little more family-friendly… there’s three photos that I didn’t even want to post on social media… You don’t want to lose your account for posting nudity or things like that,” the founder of the competition, who did not want to be named, shared with The Telegraph.

The only additional insight the anonymous organizer gave is that he runs the North Carolina-focused Facebook and Instagram pages titled “The State You’re In,” and that he was inspired to start the competition after he saw a picture of local farmer Stephen Daniels “holding collards like you would your girlfriend, in a kind of loving caress.” 

The decision to withhold some entries from social media did ruffle a few feathers. “I’m a little disappointed that this year they did not post my picture,” 2023 Sexiest Collard Farmer Lee Berry from The Berry Patch in Ellerbe told The Telegraph. “I’m not whining and [complaining] and griping, but I just, I would have loved to have known beforehand that that wasn’t going to be displayed, and I would have to add it,” he remarked.

For anyone who is curious, you can still see his photo — which includes Berry standing in his birthday suit, covered only with a few strategically-placed collard greens — on the Collards Only website. 

But as David Correll of Correll Farms in Cleveland, whose photo features the farmer in a tub filled with collards, noted, “It’s all for fun, you know, just for laughs, and I’ve had a lot of phone calls from friends and some of my customers that got a real kick out of it, so that’s the main reason to do it, just to have a little fun.” 

Perhaps most exciting for those of us who don’t live in North Carolina, pretty soon there will be one other way to appreciate these farmers and their leafy greens. According to organizers, the pictures will be turned into a calendar, and all proceeds will go to help those impacted by Hurricane Helene.